How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
