My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
