Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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