Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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