If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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