I seem to have left my pride at pride
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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