umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
