so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
