He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
