So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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