I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
