Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
