he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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