Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
