its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
