Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
