Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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