If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
