She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
