My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
