Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
