Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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