Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
