So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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