Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
