So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
