; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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