we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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