Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize