You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
