you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
