I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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