dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize