DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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