I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
