Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
