Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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