You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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