My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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