you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
