Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
