That's intense
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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