would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
