we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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