There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
