We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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