I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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