Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
