UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
