she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
