Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
