Whod you bang
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
