have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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