idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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