When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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