Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Randomize
