it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize