So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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