I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
