Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
