I need to stop coming to work sober
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
