so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
