We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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