I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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