I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
