69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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