Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
