Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize