Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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