At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
