You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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